January must be the month for being poorly.  Lauren & Martha have been struggling dreadfully with the flu this week, hence the lack of blog entries!  The week has been spent mainly wiping noses, changing nappies, administering medicine and giving hugs.  Glad to say that they both appear to be on the mend now.

 

We spent Saturday outdoors again - well slight fib, Peter let me have a lie in on Saturday morning (thank you Peter!!) and I joined him and the girls outside around lunchtime!  I was delighted to use the chainsaw to cut down a tree that was looking precarious following the high winds and Peter, his father and gardener cut away an expanse of shrubs so we now have nice clear views (and more light).  Lauren enjoyed splashing in the puddles and helping carry the small branches to the fire and rolling the logs to the store ready to dry out.  It's a shame to cut down a nice tree but it was too dangerous to leave it standing, it won't go to waste though, it will be used in the open fire to heat the house for a while.

 

On Sunday evening, Peter's friends Mark & Jason came around and we enjoyed a Chinese takeaway, Top Gear and Helicopter Simulator flying together.  It was nice to have guests, it happens pretty rarely here as we're not in a place that people just "pass"!

 

 

It has been snowing today - Lauren has been very happy!!  Peter had to take the day off work with his 'flu which is a shame but good to have him resting. 

 

Lauren took delivery of her Aloe Vera plant this morning and was thrilled. It makes such a difference to her eczema and she is looking forward to caring for it.  Over lunch, Peter watched Martha whilst Lauren & I got suited up and ventured outside to re-pot her plant into a larger pot.  She took her time selecting the right pot and loved using the trowel to put the compost in.  Gardening is not something we've done together before and I realised how much she liked it, so will endeavour to do it more - the windowboxes will provide us with a great opportunity.  To top off our adventure, on our way back home from the greenhouse, we were caught in a snowstorm much to Lauren's delight!

More funny things Lauren has said that have made me laugh (thought I'd write them before I forget them!)

 

Situation:  Lauren & I are eating salmon and new potatoes

 

Me: Do you know what salmon makes you Lauren? (expecting "strong" or "clever" as the answer)

Lauren:  Happy!

 

We had a really nice weekend outdoors, I've built my first windowbox (with Peter's assistance) only have 10 to go!!

 

Downside, is now Lauren, Martha and Peter have the 'flu.  It's been very hard work with the three of them poorly. 

 

On the plus side, Lauren & Martha appear to have acclimatised to sharing the bedroom and better still Peter's nightshift's Friday & Saturday night have paid off in terms of weaning Martha off nightfeeds.

 

Recently I've found myself lacking in patience with Lauren.  I think it's mainly down to tiredness, illness and frustration on both parts, I resolve to be more patient with her and not as quick to scold rather than talk to her or better still be proactive and nip her tantrums before the occur.

 

Back to outdoors, Peter & I did a great job of clearing the outside of the house.  I have secured the bin/recycling centre and used my newly acquired chalk pen to mark up our property - it looks very good!  Our house name is now proudly displayed and our entrance no longer looks like the local dump!  It's really nice to be outside again tinkering and getting our hands dirty and faces freshened.  I've re-discovered how much better I sleep after a good day out.

I formally resigned today.  Not really sure how I feel about it.  Thought I'd be relieved, as returning to work has been creeping closer and closer to the front of my mind the nearer it got to when I was due back, but I feel nervous and quite scared giving up something I felt passionate, enthusiastic and very comfortable with.  HR & Training is really all I've ever known and it's a field that is going to be hard to get back into when I feel ready to do so.  I don't really know what happened to me in December '05 to turn something I love into something that scares me witless.  I did a comparison between a social styles questionnaire I did in 04 and another one that the court pyschologist did just before Martha was born and it's hard to believe they're from the same person.  I hope that the CBT will be successful in helping me being confident with other people again.

 

Switching subject completely...the storms have been awful today.  On our local TV news, it said that Pateley Bridge (our local town) had winds of 80 mph which were the second highest for the region - scary stuff.

 

Martha was weighed again today and she's now exactly 18lbs.  She and Lauren are again sharing a bedroom which has been quite successful although having the 'flu hasn't helped me sleep any better.

 

My sister, Laura, made me laugh today with the following text...

 

"Knock this sh*t off!  I've been having a very bad day.  I just got out of jail this morning and already I've been shot at, was in a bus that flipped over 17 times, a bi*ch just tried to stab me in the bathroom and somebody blew up my Porsche!  I am having a VERY bad day!"

 

She was watching one of our favourite films last night, Another 48 Hours, and it just made me laugh and laugh reading the text - my motto until I have another one...

 

 

Lauren has made me laugh and laugh today and it's only 1345! 

 

We had to go into town as Peter accidentally took Lauren's Milk Teeth toothpaste so we had to get a replacement.  Whilst in town I thought I'd take my book back to the library.  It was very busy (6 people!) and very, very quiet when suddenly Lauren had a massive burp.  I looked at her as I wasn't sure it came from her and she shouted at the top of her voice "oh pardon me!", everyone started to laugh, it was so funny.

 

When we got home, I sat Lauren down at the dining table for her lunch and thought I'd make myself a sandwich too.  Armed with my sandwich and coffee, I made my way without thinking towards the sofa when Lauren demanded "sit and the table and eat nicely"!  I was certainly put in my place and wondered if that was really how I sounded!

 

I've also realised that I have to be very, very careful about what I say around Lauren.  I must say "for goodness sake" quite a lot when things go haywire.  Lauren has now started saying "sake" and shaking her head when she gets flustered - oh dear!

 

 

We have had a very lazy weekend.  Martha and I have yet another cold/cough and ache, and it has been so cold that we didn't want to venture out.

 

Our Granda Jim isn't too well so we are sending him lots of virtual "get well soons".

 

Peter is away all next week bar Monday night so am spending the rest of evening watching a movie together (Terminator 3 - tres romantic!!)

We had a great day today.  We met up with our friends Mel & Hamish and their 2 young sons at Creepy Crawlies in York.  Lauren had a fantastic time and she was worn out.  It was so refreshing for me to feel comfortable letting her run fairly freely, she had a minor accident where she fell through a cube and got a fright and a pulled underarm.  She thought the cube had netting all around but there was one open panel which led to another level.  Martha did a lot of rolling in the pre-walkers soft play area and made us all laugh when she when into the ball pool and started to giggle.

 

For me, it was a big day for 2 reasons, firstly it's was the first time I'd driven to York on my own with the girls and secondly, I drove home in the dark with Martha screaming for a bit - it has been a big boost to my confidence.

 

Peter was working out of hours, so didn't return home until after 2300hrs.  Since we now have a new whizzy PC, we have discovered Google Earth.  We are addicted to it and keep thinking of new places to view.

Hurrah!!  I managed to get the Christmas tree undressed and outside.  It's taken me all day but I feel happy that it's a job completed.

 

Martha had another good sleep (as did I!).  I went to bed at 2130 last night, woke at 0000 to feed Martha, then slept until 0350, til 0715 - Bliss!!!

 

Lauren has come out with some interesting things over the last few days.  Her latest verbal offering is pointing or bringing me objects and asking "what's this called?", she sounds so grown up and it seems to have happened overnight.  I'm still in the novelty time at the moment but can imagine it becoming tiresome!

 

The other thing she has started to do is scream.  It's definately a frustration scream but I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or shout when she screamed the other day and gave herself a fright with it!

 

Martha has started crawling backwards a bit more, but even more exciting, today she started babbling in what seems to be her true voice.  I can't quite place my finger on what exactly has changed but she is making more "mmmmmm" sounds - I hope she says Mummy (or similar) first, Lauren said "daddy" so it would be nice for us to share first word status!

 

Off to the Dr's tomorrow to see if he can offer any more assistance with my post-crash aches & pains.  It's so draining to be in pain every day for over a year - I just want to be able to do active things with my family without having pains or being laid up for days after.  I'm going to ask to be re-referred back to the physio as I've not been since having Martha and found it really helped.

 

Lauren & I had our haircut and we are both very happy with our new "do's" - Thank you Amanda!!!

The Health Visitor came around this morning as we didn't get chance to discuss things properly the week before in Baby Clinic.   When I've been changing Martha I've noticed a "click" and mentioned this to her, she recommends that we get this checked by the Dr.

 

Tried to take the Christmas tree down but only got as far as getting the boxes out of the attic - I'll try again tomorrow!

 

Martha slept really well overnight, and I feel soooooo much better for it!!

Hurrah hurrah!  The components for our new "wowee" PC arrived over lunch.  If you've read previous blog entries, you'll know what a nightmare we've had buying one ready made through eBay.  We'd always wanted to build our own so went the eBay sale went pearshaped, we took this as an omen and set forth investigating exactly what we needed and went ahead and placed the order through Scan PCs and Peter spoke with them several times as well.  Such a difference to the last fiasco!!

 

We opened the 2 boxes and it was like Christmas morning mark II!  We were so excited at all our goodies.  We got the girls off to bed and at around 2000hrs we started the assembly.  It was really interesting to do it, and I learnt a lot (very quickly!), it was nice to work together on a project.  We had a couple of teething problems when we powered it on (forgot to connect the 2nd power lead!) and there was no sound (forgot to install soundcard driver!) but aside from those, it works perfectly,  the difference is amazing.  I love how quickly my Emmerdale Murder Investigation site runs now!!  We ended up getting to bed at 0300hrs - I haven't seen that time for years (unless I'm in labour of course!!).

 

Last but by no means least, Lauren made me laugh a lot today.  I was sat on the settee and Lauren was stood next to me holding onto my knee.  I turned and said "I love you Lauren", she replied "very proud of you Mummy" and started to rub my knee - she is so lovely.  Some of the things she comes out with makes me think she's a lot older that 28 months!

It's been a milestone today, I verbally resigned from work.  I'm due to go back in April and it just seems so close and I seem (mentally) to be so far away.  I'm placing a lot of faith in the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy I'm due to go through, but just now I feel so unconfident, and the thought of being so far and a long time apart from Lauren & Martha terrifies me.  Being back in the training room fills me with fear as well the daily commute to and from work coupled with overseas assisgnments.  Anyway, now I've done it, I can feel a bit more relaxed knowing that I can focus of getting myself back to pre Dec '05 rather than worrying about work.

 

Lauren is still going through her "don't like it" phase with regard food.  Peter thinks that she's "playing us for fools as we aren't well", I tend to agree with him to a certain degree but this doesn't make it any easier for me to cope with.  Yesterday, for example, I planned to fed her really well throughout the day with big breakfast, big lunch and big dinner coupled with snacks like bananas, toast and yoghurt.  This worked until lunchtime....

 

I made Lauren some Stovies (one of her faves) and added some spaghetti hoops (another fave).  Reply "don't like it" - aaarrrggghhhh!  I didn't know what to do, so I packed the two of them in the car down to the Health Visitor for Martha to get weighed.  She now weighs 17lbs 12ozs, 1oz off a 1lb in 4 weeks!!  Lauren made no remarks about being hungry so I left it.  When we returned I said to her, would you like your lunch now (she enjoys cold food rather than hot or even warm!!), again "don't like it".  I explained that there wasn't anything else (she is a chocolate monster and Christmas was a nightmare as someone had bought her lots of it (wrapped up) without telling us and she was giddy when she opened it).  I sat at the computer to browse for a minute and heard some gentle clattering in the kitchen, I shouted through "what are you doing Lauren?", reply "tidying up Mummy".  She then came in and I realised that she'd completely cleared her place at the dining table, scraped every ounce of lunch off her plate neatly in the bin, and pushed the plate, spoon, fork  and bib into the sink!  I honestly didn't know what to do!  She made such a good job of cleaning it up without being asked but she'd thrown the whole meal away.  I praised her for the good part and tried my best to explain that there was nothing else to eat.  I gave her some fresh home made rolls to eat which she enjoyed and around 5pm I started making dinner for us all, Lauren had new potatoes, fish fingers, peas and cheese sauce.  We had everything bar fish fingers, we had pork chops.  To our very happy surprise, Lauren ate every single thing on her plate and was rewarded with banana and custard for dessert, followed by a banana!

 

Any advice greatly received!!!!  I think I may just make cheese sauce to go over all she eats!!!!!

Happy New Year !!!!

 

My sister, Jan, wished me Happy New Year and said she had a feeling this was going to be a very good year - I agree with that completely and I will do everything I can to make it happen.

 

So far my resolutions for 2007 are:-

 

 

I feel very positive about 2007 and think it will be a year of accomplishments and happiness.  Let's hope that I'm having a premonition!!

 

Please feel free to keep me in check if you think I'm not sticking to these - if you want some moral support for your resolutions - let me know!! 

We are all still struggling with the cold and nasty blocked sinuses so didn't approach today with as much excitement/anticipation as last Sunday.

 

Perhaps this was also to do with Lauren waking at 0320 screaming, I went into her room to see what the matter was and she said (through sobs) "a little bit hungry".  Now for some reason I would have been mad if she'd just said "hungry" but the addition of "a little bit" made my heart melt and so I set forth (after making a never to be repeated error of "what would you like?" question) to make Ready Brek. 

 

We've been experiencing a few screaming fits from Lauren over the last few days, I hope that come Tuesday when routines are firmly back in place, these will subside, fingers crossed.  Neither Peter or I's sinus headaches can cope for much longer!!

 

We both tried to stay awake to see the New Year in but alas, Peter crawled into bed at 2320 so I hooked up with my sister Julie via Messenger so we both weren't alone ringing in the New Year as Brad was working 1800-0600.  Not quite the real thing but it was nice to countdown the last few seconds of 2006 and say Happy New Year to each other.

 

With the exception of Martha's arrival, 2006 has been the crappest one ever.  The first 6 months were spent in a lot of pain, stress and anxiety.  The arrival of Martha significantly improved anxiety but brought a lot of other pains, feelings out that were not very nice to experience.

 

You know what they say "things can only get better"!!!